This is me (well the silly prepping for a photo shoot me)...
quite until you get to know me, then an over sharer, loving, cares too much, always a midwife, trying to help other mama's out there, supportive, finding the right fit for everyone, not imposing my values on others, but willing to talk/share/listen about it all. Though I am strong, independent and knowledgeable, I still seek friendship...with real "authentic" (more on that later) women that share at least some of my beliefs, and if they don't, are open minded to hearing why we live the way we do.
I like many other mama's out there, I turned to other mom's for support,
blogs, mama groups and more. Sure the interaction (and info on blogs)
for the kids is great but we all know those play groups and blogs are
for us...we were created to be in community, social and support one
another...
So why are all of you mama's so mean!! Seriously! Why
can't we just support each other, offer advice and leave it at that? Why
do we have to grill people, peer pressure them and one up each other all the time.
I have felt this way for I while now and have wanted to write a post, but from the last post you now know where I am placing my time and priorities. I have stopped reading all but two (sometimes three) blogs because of the way the women are acting; so hateful, resentful, yet feeling they know everything there is to know because they have entered this club of motherhood. I know it feels like you are the first ever to have a baby, and in some ways you are...you are the first to have that one of a kind, the only one born on the date and time, to those parents and that place baby. Know what? the same thing happens every time a baby is born, including your second, third, so on. They are all different, you have to start over every time, but at least with a little experience in all the general areas. Let me tell you a secret, you are the expert of your own child! There will never be another little person like that one, ever. So ask questions, get ideas, real life implementation/examples, but then do it your way, or more like the little ones way (cause the next one might not like it the same way). Those other moms don't know your little one, don't feel pressure to take their advice or do something their way. It may not work for your baby and then you will feel like a failure and that is the last thing you are. Just making an effort to help your baby shows you are a good parent!
So why all of a sudden the blog post?
I have tried meeting moms in all sorts of places, the mall, playgrounds, playgroups, meet up groups, etc. with no success. Moms are mean, they like to one up each other, believe their way of raising a child is the only way, astonished when you stand up for yourself and share another way of doing things. You are wrong if you breastfeed and wrong if you don't, crazy if you have natural childbirth and weird if you don't, have two heads if you use alternative healing methods and five if you don't. Everyone knows how to feed, put to sleep, potty train, dress, and discipline your child better than you do. If you try to add to a conversation with factual information in a loving, kind, nonjudgmental way, well then the moms are mad that you know more, try to one up you and then the cycle starts again. As a mama that knows random and mostly useless facts (I got a lot of them) we are not trying to one up you, we are really trying to put ourselves out there and meet people or help. How are you suppose to meet other moms with high school clique behavior? If I walked right up to a mom and said hi my name is Cristin, with my hand out, she would look at me like I have a third eye or something. I always seem to be the outsider with these type of moms. It is like high school all over again and not being the cool chick with the great cloths/shoes and the popular friends. I feel so bad when I think most moms probably shut down after these interactions and think, its me, I am not cool enough or dress the right way, say/know the right things. Why can't we support each other? be open to meeting new people and ideals? I keep trying and I feel like I am getting no where, it makes me want to move to the country, where in my head people are kinder to one another, and if not well I will have my children, chickens, cows and garden all to myself, ha! These are not the types of moms I want my children around, our values and beliefs are so different and I want my children to be raised in a kind, loving environment that shows love and support to others. Thank goodness I don't let these women get to me (frustration yes, upset for other mom defiantly), that I can move on and be happy being me...but what about all the other moms struggling out there? What if that is the one mom you don't say hi to? or you make a rude comment to?
So the lesson of the day? Be kinder, gentler, offer support that is open ended and not telling other moms it's the only way to do things (Don't judge another mom for her choices! She is doing the best she can! put yourself in her shoes!!), reach out to the quite mom in the playgroup and remember what it felt like when you were first navigating the new waters of parenthood. I will keep trying to meet new moms and continue to be kind, though it is hard and at times frustrating, maybe one day it will payoff ; )
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| My independent, sassy first born, always listening/watching/learning |
Remember when your talking to others that your children are listening, and the voice they hear becomes the one inside their head later in life...lets hope its a confident, kind and complimenting one, but more on that later...
